WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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