I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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