Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
