i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
