i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
where does the pee come out of this thing
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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