Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
