In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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