Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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