I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My dick has a subreddit
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
