I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
