sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
