I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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