so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize