Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just want nice things and good sex
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize