4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
