wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
