I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
her facebook's as public as her vagina
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
