Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
