I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
