Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
