the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
