I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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