For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
