1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
