how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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