Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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