I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
