I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize