I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
