u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
