Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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