My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
