those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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