Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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