I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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