I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
