Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
