the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
