Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
