Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
