walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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