after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
