i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
