I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
