am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
