Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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