Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the day after is always just damage control
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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