I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
