all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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