I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
