I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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