yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
