I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
