He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize