Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
