do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
