Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
