I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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