oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
