i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
