It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
