she woke up with a sticky ear
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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