Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
