A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize