bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
