i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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