I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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