Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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