Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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