She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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