I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
