just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
