I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
