i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
