We're like a lot better than the average bears
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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