I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
