apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
