sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think I sprained my soul last night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
