I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
