when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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