worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize