and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
